


ZombieSheep: A Wiegraf/Zalbag Shipping Manifesto

by CorpseBrigadier



Series: Ship Manifestos [1]
Category: Final Fantasy Tactics
Genre: M/M, Meta, Nonfiction, Ship Manifesto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2020-11-22 12:21:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20874131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CorpseBrigadier/pseuds/CorpseBrigadier
Summary: An extended discussion as to why two blobby pixel men from a 20+ year old JRPG should hook up despite never explicitly meeting one another.





	1. Introduction and Contents

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fencesit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fencesit/gifts).

> **Note on Names:** In my own fanworks, I generally mix and match names from the PSX and PSP translations, but I've tried to stick to the PSX orthography here for the sake of being consistent in a document that assumes its readers might not be familiar with the narrative.
> 
> **Note on Content:** This work contains canon-typical mentions of violence and human suffering (namely _lots_ of people getting shot/stabbed/poisoned, people turning into eldritch demonbeasts, people turning into animate corpses that beg for death, peasants starving while the nobility cackles, etc...).
> 
> This work also contains very brief mentions of incest and non-con with regards to speculations about AUs and other ships.

So, you may have heard of the hit 1998 Square Enix Tactical RPG _Final Fantasy Tactics_, particularly as the first two words of its title are “Final” and “Fantasy.” You may even have played it and enjoyed its addictive job system and captivating plot. What you have probably not been doing, however, is shipping and producing fanworks regarding my two tragically doomed faves: Zalbag Beoulve and Wiegraf Folles. This document will seek to explain why this is a dire situation in great need of being altered. Admittedly, both characters are secondary in importance to the main cast and neither character ever appeared on the same screen as the other at the same time. Nevertheless, I feel it a matter of pressing significance that people understand why these two morally grey, antagonistic war veterans should absolutely have occasion to meet on the same screen of your Internet browsing device, where they should be banging furiously in some fanwork or another.

This document became more and more bloated the longer I worked on it, which speaks to the intensity of my present and bizarre passion for these two characters and my ability to waste considerable time writing about it. As such, I have divided this essay into chapters. The second chapter of this work is comprised of a canon primer that very briefly explains the political plot of _Final Fantasy Tactics_ and very not-at-all-briefly explains the specific narratives of Wiegraf and Zalbag. The third chapter is an extensive walk through of my beliefs in the characters' great thematic synergy with one another, which is the entire basis for my assertion that they should fuck. It covers in great detail the respective ways in which their belief in a just world and methods of attempting to achieve it alter over the course of their stories; the ways in which they are/are not effective organizational leaders; and various parallels in their relationships with their standard _Final Fantasy Tactics_ issue angst-producing siblings. I also touch briefly on things like how they have similar job classes and aesthetically-pleasing outfit colors. The fourth chapter is concerned with mitigating the problem of these two characters never actually meeting by offering a comprehensive list of ways in which they could meet and presumably fuck. The fifth and final chapter is a collected list of fanworks, almost none of them featuring both characters at the same time because I am very near to alone in my enthusiasm for or consideration of this ship.

I hope you enjoy reading my unwieldy rambles about these two guys and why their angst and awfulness are so complimentary to one another. I also hope you join me in shipping them because that would be super rad.


	2. Canon Primer

**The Basic Game Premise**

If you haven’t played the game before, let me open by saying that the plot of _Final Fantasy Tactics_ is really convoluted. There are a million billion characters who almost all die, and both the original 1998 PSX translation of the game and the 2007 PSP translation of the game have major failings that make it hard to parse exactly what is going on.

At its heart, the narrative of the game is a high fantasy retelling of the English War of the Roses—which places it under the same vague umbrella as _Game of Thrones_. The historical One-Hundred Years War between England and France that precedes the English War of the Roses is re-imagined as the Fifty Years War between Ivalice and Ordalia (and also Romanda) that precedes the Ivalician War of the Lions. The House of Lancaster is loosely recast as the Duchy of Gallione (led by Duke Larg) and the House of York as the Duchy of Zeltennia (led by Duke Goltanna).

The major pre-canon political plot thing you need to know is that after losing all their money in the Fifty Years War, Ivalice is rife with instability and nobody is happy. The King (Omdoria Atkascha III) is very bad at his job and very bad at not being distressingly ill. The Queen (Ruvelia Atkascha) is very mean and slutty and is ruling the country in her husband’s stead. When the King dies, their 2-year-old son Orinas is selected as successor to the throne, but this claim comes under contest as Omdoria previously made a formal adoption of his sister Ovelia Atkascha, imagining that he might not have an heir of his own. Thus, a really horrible civil war breaks out as two factions battle over whether a baby or a teenage girl is going to be their figurehead of state. Larg (who is Ruvelia’s brother) is all about supporting Orinas. Goltanna is all about supporting Ovelia. Lots of intrigue happens, and they fight. What complicates all this though, is that the story also includes a plot about _horrific otherworldly demons_ seizing control of the in-game equivalent of the Catholic Church and trying to leverage the war to their own ends—which in typical JRPG fashion means bathing the world in blood to resurrect an evil multi-winged God that you have to kill.

This is also all filtered through the perspective of the player character, a teenage boy named Ramza Beoulve who is the third son of one of Larg’s most respected retainers, Balbanes Beoulve. Being a legitimized bastard and a general screw up, he doesn’t get a lot of respect, although he gets a lot more respect than his childhood buddy Delita Hyral. Delita is a stablemaster’s son who, along with his sister Teta, was taken into Balbanes’ household following their parents’ death during an outbreak of plague. The general conceit of the game is that you are tracking Ramza’s lost narrative through a history that has forgotten him following his identification as a heretic, and you are told at the forefront of the game that Delita eventually defies his rank and ascends the throne. The game is very much centered around these two young men and their parallel stories in the face of this conflict, and this is why, if you see any m/m ship for _Final Fantasy Tactics_, there is a very good chance that it is these two.

* * *

**The Actual Characters Being Shipped**

But enough about characters who do overrated things like actually meeting and having meaningful interactions in this game! You may have noticed in the recounting of this game’s plot that I never mention the two dudes I am actually proposing should hook up. This is because both of their narratives—while poignant, tragic, and very necessary to the labyrinthine workings of the greater story—aren’t really as top priority as Ramza's or Delita’s. The job of these two characters, in the grand scheme of things, is to play out their roles as pawns to the game’s two most significant human villains and then to die in boss fights that make everyone involved very unhappy. To make sure we’re all on the same page as to who they are and what they are doing though, let me spell out in more specific detail what it is that happens to them in this smorgasbord of pixelated human tragedy.

**Wiegraf Folles ([[Wiki Article](https://finalfantasy.fandom.com/wiki/Wiegraf_Folles)]; b. August 23, starts game at age 30):** Wiegraf is a Fifty Years War veteran who led a company known as the Death Knights, which is noteworthy in that it was comprised entirely of commoners. When the war ended and Ordalia raked Ivalice over the coals in terms of reparations, the nobility reacted by deciding just not to pay these guys for being soldiers and to let them starve in the countryside as the economy continued to collapse. Wiegraf was not a fan of this, so he reformed his men into a revolutionary group called the Death Corps, not noticing what a great way this was to effectively foreshadow that they were all going to die soon. The Death Corps did some revolutionary banditry and assassinations, which led to an intervention by the Hokuten (the knightly order led by Zalbag Beoulve). 

Wiegraf’s men are almost constantly on the brink of desertion on account of being very hungry and wanting not to die. His right hand man Gustav Margueriff decides to try to ameliorate some of this by kidnapping a Marquis (Mesdoram Elmdor). He is ostensibly doing this for ransom money, but is—in reality—doing this for Dycedarg Beoulve’s money. Dycedarg, who will pop up _a lot_ in this essay, cannot go for more than a half an hour without phoning up some assassins and/or mercenaries to orchestrate some capital-S Schemes, and he wants to get Elmdor out of the way such that he might not interfere with later Scheming down the road.

Wiegraf, being very dedicated to his own ideology and being not down for kidnapping, kills Gustav and releases Elmdor to the Beoulves. [Let's Play: [PSX](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ysb1XdezVyA&list=PLqgujxwvSPdS_hIogu0Wg1v0Mnw9xYY8w&index=20), [PSP](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Vay-yxcEJ8&list=PLldM0Bch-d1niwDojuVKf3OPAR8ve9a6E&index=17)] They return this kindness by continuing to murder his men, and the Death Corps try to get back some of their own by raiding the Beoulve mansion at Igros, stabbing the crap of Dycedarg, killing some nameless NPCs, and kidnapping Teta Hyral, whom they believe to be a noblewoman. [Let's Play: [PSX](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QCQh-o3gfE&list=PLqgujxwvSPdS_hIogu0Wg1v0Mnw9xYY8w&index=24), [PSP](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONG3R1EdN6I&list=PLldM0Bch-d1niwDojuVKf3OPAR8ve9a6E&index=24)]

In the midst of this, Wiegraf’s beloved sister and fellow revolutionary, Miluda Folles, is killed by _you_ as the player while she protests her humanity and explains how unjust a feudal system full of bloated corrupt aristocrats is. Ramza then stares off into the distance and has a brief think about how his side might actually be the baddies. Wiegraf, in the meantime, tries to reiterate to his men that _he is not down for kidnapping_ and tells the specific man holding Teta hostage (Golagros Levine) to quit it and let her go. Golagros pointedly asks Wiegraf if he wants him to die, and Wiegraf tells him that it's important to think about what their sacrifices will do for the next generation. The conversation gets a little awkward, and Wiegraf says that maybe he can have some slender hope of staying alive if he trucks it over to where the rest of the gang are hiding near Fort Zeakden—just so long as he unkidnaps Teta. [Let's Play: [PSX](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8COMA_4KZZw&list=PLqgujxwvSPdS_hIogu0Wg1v0Mnw9xYY8w&index=29),[PSP](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlQCQeo85es&list=PLldM0Bch-d1niwDojuVKf3OPAR8ve9a6E&index=32)] Golagros does not do this. As we will review in Zalbag’s portion of this summary, it does not go very well for either the kidnapper or the kidnappee.

It also doesn’t go well for Wiegraf, as Zalbag and his knights presumably go on to kill all of the Death Corps that are not him. A year later, in a PSP exclusive scene, Wiegraf stands at Miluda’s grave in the rain and apologizes for really having mucked everything up and also not having bothered to avenge her. It is then that a guy named Rofel pops by to recruit him. Rofel, as it turns out, is a friendly representative from the Glabadosian Church’s secretly corrupt and evil military organization—the Temple Knights. [Let's Play: [PSP](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQsBMfI0Cto)]

You, as Ramza, next encounter him when he’s a Temple Knight doing some quest for the evil Church with his partner Izlude, the game’s incredibly whumpable Church twink who has his own special little alternate portrait for when he’s dying and covered in blood. It not Izlude’s turn to be whumped on that day, however. After Ramza bests him in some boss battling at a monastical library, Wiegraf crawls outside, nearly dead from his injuries. Izlude, in the meantime, rides away with Ramza’s younger sister Alma, as Wiegraf has apparently altered his policies greatly on allowing teenage girls to be kidnapped. Being rather close to death, he makes a pact with a demon-summoning stone the Church (or rather Vormav Tingel, the leader of the Temple Knights who is responsible for 90% of bad things in the Church) has conveniently given him to carry around. In exchange for continuing to live and seek his revenge, Wiegraf gives over his body to Velius, an eldritch demon who—being interrelated with the zodiac sign Aries—looks like a really mean sheep.[Let's Play: [PSX](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-qEp94XrO8&list=PLqgujxwvSPdS_hIogu0Wg1v0Mnw9xYY8w&index=69), [PSP](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1w1hGq4Z2M&list=PLldM0Bch-d1niwDojuVKf3OPAR8ve9a6E&index=81)]

This sheep is really mean. _Really really mean_. It is so mean, that the Internet is filled with lamentations regarding how deftly Wiegraf the mean sheep man swing-danced all over their balls when players next fought him at Riovanes castle. During this now iconic-for-being-terribly-brutal boss fight, it becomes clear that any human sentiments in Wiegraf have ebbed away. He has forsaken his ideals, his love for his sister, and his desire for revenge. He gives a big speech about religion as an opiate of the masses and how all he wants is to plunge the world into chaos, and then you as Ramza & Co. kill him. [Let's Play: [PSX](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uolh7yS1_P8&list=PLqgujxwvSPdS_hIogu0Wg1v0Mnw9xYY8w&index=81&t=135s), [PSP](https://youtu.be/ufTKic3x1Qo?t=31)]

**Zalbag Beoulve ([[Wiki Article](https://finalfantasy.fandom.com/wiki/Zalbaag_Beoulve)]; b. June 30, starts game at age 28):** Zalbag is the second eldest son of Balbanes Beoulve, and he’s also a veteran of the Fifty Years War. Along with his dad and the game-breaking juggernaut known as Cidolfas Orlandu, he was in the top tier of people killing the crap out of Ordalians and became a renowned enough war hero that one of the many now-dead kings in this game declared him “Savior of Ivalice.” He’s also an Ark Knight, which is like an extra-special version of a Holy Knight, because he is really into the game’s secretly evil religion and is one of like… two characters who does not seem to be aware that it is secretly evil. Following the death of Balbanes about a year prior to the start of the game, he was given command of the knightly order known as the Hokuten when his older brother Dycedarg cedes the right of claiming leadership. Dycedarg—whom he spends much of the game trusting is a noble, well-intentioned guy—takes on the role of adviser to Duke Larg instead.

Despite trusting his brother so much, Zalbag nevertheless opens the game completely undermining his orders. He insinuates to Ramza that instead of guarding Igros castle like he is supposed to, he _might_ want to go check on a hot tip regarding the Death Corps and the kidnapping of the Marquis Elmdor. Several grid-based battles later, Ramza returns with Elmdor in tow, having retrieved him following Wiegraf’s killing of Gustav. When Dycedarg reads his kid brother the riot act for disobeying orders, he and Delita cover for Zalbag (and bumblingly attempt to cover for each other), resulting in the two eldest brothers not really understanding the degree to which they are on totally different pages.

When Ramza gets authorization from Dycedarg to go kill some more of Wiegraf’s friends, the Death Corps raid Igros. As mentioned above, this results in Dycedarg being critically injured, in Delita’s sister being kidnapped, and in some nameless NPCs getting killed. Zalbag manages to save the youngest Beoulve sibling, Alma, from being dragged away with her friend, but things are generally a bit of a mess. Dycedarg collapses from his wounds, and upon coming to, explains to Ramza & Co. that he’s sent Zalbag to go kill the remaining Death Corps. He mentions as an afterthought and transparent lie that he has also told him not to act until Teta is safe.

Anyhow, when Ramza next sees Zalbag, it’s at Fort Zeakden, where Golagros is holding a knife to Teta’s throat and telling the Hokuten to leave him alone lest he stab the girl and/or run into the room full of military grade explosives. Zalbag explains that the Hokuten don’t capitulate to terrorists, says something along the lines of “Go ahead, do it,” and stands by while Algus Sadalfas (who is notorious for being the most intensely hateable character in this game—the Scrappy Doo of_ Final Fantasy Tactics_) shoots Teta in the chest and then wounds Golagros. Zalbag does not address the fact that Ramza and Delita are there to watch this and suddenly leaves after hearing news that his men have spotted Wiegraf. He goes off to presumably have some manner of boss fight of his own, leaving before he can offer any explanation as to why he has just ordered the death of an innocent teenage girl who was raised as his foster sister.[Let's Play: [PSX](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljxLh1J421w&list=PLqgujxwvSPdRFjcJN0f54jVpVKFe5ybBR&index=10&t=161s), [PSP](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XzSu98sZN4&feature=youtu.be&t=65)] Ramza & Co. then kill the ever loving hell out of a very deserving Algus and take down several Hokuten along with him, while Golagros, having crawled into that room full of explosives, lights them. While Delita mournfully clutches his sister’s corpse in a cut scene, the fortress blows up rather spectacularly, seemingly killing him (Spoiler: It doesn’t). Ramza then runs away into the snow, forsaking his family in disillusionment. [Let's Play: [PSX](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yx1yXQVS7vM&list=PLqgujxwvSPdS_hIogu0Wg1v0Mnw9xYY8w&index=33), [PSP](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhzpFdHQcFU&list=PLldM0Bch-d1niwDojuVKf3OPAR8ve9a6E&index=29)]

When next he and Zalbag meet, it’s well over a year later. At this point, the War of the Lions has broken out. Zalbag is leading the Hokuten in support of Orinas (more specifically in support of Larg—who will be regent if Orinas ascends the throne). On the other side are the Nanten, led by Orlandu, who support Ovelia and Duke Goltanna. One major battle has already happened, where Queen Ruvelia has been taken by Goltanna’s forces and placed under arrest for allegedly trying and failing to orchestrate Ovelia’s kidnapping and assassination. Ramza stops by Zalbag’s offices at the capital, and the game pulls a frustrating move in which Ramza does not confront him over Teta’s death and Zalbag does not confront Ramza over the murder of his troops and his subsequent abandonment of his family. Instead, Ramza tries to convince him that the war is being orchestrated by some shadowy puppetmasters and that he should do his best to stop it. In the process, he mentions that the real person trying to abduct Ovelia was Dycedarg, at which point Zalbag gets angry and tells him off for slandering their incredibly trustworthy and nice brother. Ramza seems a little shocked, as he assumed Zalbag knew this was going on. Zalbag then tells him that he’s never done anything to win his confidence, that he clearly hews to his mother’s commoner blood (Ramza, while he has been legitimized, is still a bastard), and that he can go fuck off back to Igros. He then fucks off himself to another battle, as Orlandu is apparently raiding some strategically important location and Zalbag’s favorite means of avoiding difficult conversations with his family is to dramatically leave to go fight other major NPCs. [Let's Play: [PSX](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjEni5mw2dE&list=PLqgujxwvSPdS_hIogu0Wg1v0Mnw9xYY8w&index=62), [PSP](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIBDqEUfzbI)]

Unfortunately for Zalbag, there will eventually be some difficult conversations he can’t fight his way out of. The next time we see him, he’s in the midst of yet another battle when all his troops get poisoned by some sort of medieval-era chemical weapon. He rushes to where Dycedarg and Larg are hanging out and notes that they are pretty sick from being exposed to this stuff. Dycedarg then, in a move that everybody except the two people right next to him have probably been anticipating for years, takes this opportunity to stab Larg to death. The Duke dies feeling rather betrayed, exclaiming that Dycedarg killed his own father only to get the opportunity to kill him. Dycedarg seems unfazed by this and tells Zalbag to plant his dagger on somebody, insisting that Larg has just been assassinated by Nanten agents. He then dramatically collapses, as this is _his_ trademark way of avoiding difficult conversations with his family. [Let's Play: [PSX](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDdyxlkhB6U&list=PLqgujxwvSPdS_hIogu0Wg1v0Mnw9xYY8w&index=106), [PSP](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDmKe5a4hSM&list=PLldM0Bch-d1niwDojuVKf3OPAR8ve9a6E&index=131)]

Apparently, Zalbag doesn’t ask Dycedarg what’s up with all the treason and accusations of patricide on the way back home. Here, there’s a scene in which Rofel (That guy again!) discusses the Church’s desire for arbitration and gives Dycedarg one of those cool demon-summoning stones as a gift showing his organization’s good will. He also asks Dycedarg some very pointed questions about poison (which everyone but Zalbag just seems to know is Dycedarg’s favorite hobby), and it is revealed that the poisoning of the Hokuten was carried out with a derivative of mosfungus—a toxic mushroom that only grows on the graves of people who have been poisoned with it. Rofel also notes that the symptoms of mosfungus poisoning are really coincidentally similar to the symptoms displayed by Dad Beoulve before he died.[Let's Play: [PSX](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fk4I3pqgCUM&list=PLqgujxwvSPdS_hIogu0Wg1v0Mnw9xYY8w&index=117), [PSP](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJkUxTzjT88&list=PLldM0Bch-d1niwDojuVKf3OPAR8ve9a6E&index=139)]

This conversation, which Zalbag covertly overhears, convinces the two neurons that bounce about in his skull to meet and gently kiss for a moment, and he hightails it over to his dad’s grave with a mushroom identification specialist and finds out that—dang—there’s a bunch of mosfungus growing there. [Let's Play: [PSX](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOoKHp5wkss&list=PLqgujxwvSPdS_hIogu0Wg1v0Mnw9xYY8w&index=124), [PSP](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2okv9aGsFQ&list=PLldM0Bch-d1niwDojuVKf3OPAR8ve9a6E&index=147)] He then goes back to the castle to confront Dycedarg about the results of his forensic investigation, and they have an emotionally fraught battle on top of a cool little bridge structure. Ramza shows up to join in this uncomfortable family get together and there’s a lot of dramatic shouting as Zalbag accuses Dycedarg of murder, Dycedarg accuses Zalbag of being a hypocrite who can’t see how he’s been propped up by his covert shady manipulations, and Ramza actually does most of the battling, as his units probably have the highest levels by now. Eventually Dycedarg falls, cursing his brothers, and his demon stone activates. This transforms him into Adramelk, a demon relating to the zodiac sign Capricorn who—get this—looks like _a really mean goat_. [Let's Play: [PSX](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hB1j9z_cRSY&list=PLqgujxwvSPdS_hIogu0Wg1v0Mnw9xYY8w&index=126&t=22s), [PSP](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKNmRYzoK7U&list=PLldM0Bch-d1niwDojuVKf3OPAR8ve9a6E&index=165)]

The transformed Dycedarg confesses to their father’s murder and then just fucking incinerates Zalbag, abruptly leaving Ramza to do what he apparently does best and kill shady demonic ungulates in grid-based battles. You’d think this was the end of the Beoulve family tragedy—but _no_—it gets worse. Zalbag still shows up later as Ramza tries to battle his way through the various agents of the Church’s demon-summoning conspiracy. In the midst of Ramza’s pursuit of Vormav, the even-shadier-than-Dycedarg mastermind who is masterminding _all of this_, evil Church magic is deployed to unincinerate Zalbag and bring him back as a revenant. Ramza then has to fight his undead brother, who has lost all bodily agency and is only aware that he’s in terrifying pain, he’s losing his memories, and he’s locked in mortal combat with his only non-treasonous brother. He begs Ramza to kill him, and because this is a tactical RPG, that’s all Ramza can really do. He dies, having been double fratricided following his zombification by the Church, which probably was an extra sad time for a guy who put so much faith in both the nobility of his family and the truth of his religion. [Let's Play: [PSX](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i67mIPXLR8c&list=PLqgujxwvSPdS_hIogu0Wg1v0Mnw9xYY8w&index=131&t=93s), [PSP](https://youtu.be/bf6-O3gteLU?t=37)]

* * *

**A Note on Translations, with Links to Transcripts and Let's Plays**

As alluded to above, something worth noting about _Final Fantasy Tactics_ is that there are two very different translations of the game into English and that a lot of people have very pointed opinions about them. The original PSX translation, written when the game was first released outside of Japan in 1998, is notorious for being confusing and choppy. It contains numerous inconsistencies in its grammar and spelling, and a number of lines read as nonsensical or unintentionally humorous in English. The PSP translation, made for the remaster of the game titled _Final Fantasy Tactics: War of the Lions_ is much more polished and easy to follow for English readers but is frequently criticized for its use of overly flowery faux Early Modern English. It also changes the spelling of numerous proper nouns within the game, which means that people discussing the game are often aware of and may use multiple versions of character, location, and organization names.

To be upfront, I feel that both translations are inescapably bad, but I prefer the PSX one. While I am not fluent in Japanese, my general impression is that the _War of the Lions_ translation tends to take fairly wide liberties with the original text, and it seems to do so in the interest of making things sound like what Americans think Shakespeare sounds like instead of trying to tease out something native to the original feeling of the Japanese. I'm ultimately a bit magpieish regarding which elements of which translation I use to inform my reading of canon, as the original PSX one is sometimes too cringe-worthy to stomach, but I tend to shy away from interpretations supported only by the PSP text.

There are transcripts of the the [original Japanese script](http://hakuteikoubou.skr.jp/storage/FFT_script.html), the [original PSX translation](https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/ps/197339-final-fantasy-tactics/faqs/14169), and the [PSP translation](https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/psp/937312-final-fantasy-tactics-the-war-of-the-lions/faqs/50913) available online, and if anybody ever gets as obsessively into this game as I am, they may also wish to check out [Sugnuf's fan translation](https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/ps/197339-final-fantasy-tactics/faqs/48627) of the game, which manages a fairly nice balance between the two official English ones but does change a bunch of proper nouns _yet again_. For the purposes of Let's Play footage, I've selected the [Final Fantasy Tactics Complete Playthrough and Transcript](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8npodwvEfI0lxul-EapEJQ) for PSX scenes and [Eirlaron's playthrough](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLldM0Bch-d1niwDojuVKf3OPAR8ve9a6E) for the PSP scenes. 


	3. OKAY BUT WHY SHOULD THEY FUCK!?

Alright. Let’s get to the important part of this shipping manifesto: the part where I make manifest why these two idiots should be shipped. If you just read that incredibly long and detailed description of the two men in question, I thank you for your patience, and I assure you that the rest of the game is full of even more of that level of tragic backstabbery if it’s your kind of thing. If you didn’t, I hope you are familiar with these two fuck ups, as I’m about to go into great detail as to why various aspects of their narratives make them great foils that I feel would function as really hot sword boyfriends.

Basically, despite never meeting in game save for a briefly alluded to possible fight with one another somewhere in the vicinity of Ft. Zeakden, these two have _crazy thematic synergy_ with one another that could be explored in a million different ways if they actually met, and they occupy roughly the same angsty ecological niche in the biome of misery that is _Final Fantasy Tactics._ As this is a shipping manifesto, I wish to posit that one of the best ways to explore thematic synergy is by fucking, which is what these two glorious human failure machines should really be doing instead of making you cry during their boss fights.

* * *

**Institutions, Ideology, and Endangering the Lives of Teenage Girls**

So the real biggie that needs to be addressed in any meta about these two is the fate of Teta Hyral. Zalbag usually gets mentioned with her in conjunction with the fact that he _fucking ordered her shot_, but Wiegraf is clearly also a part in the unfolding tragedy that surrounds her. His insistence that she be released by his men despite his ignorance of her actual position stands in really stark contrast to Zalbag’s willingness to discard her for the sake of fighting terrorists. Both men start out at the game’s beginning with certain inflexible ideals that eventually help to doom them: Wiegraf believes in maintaining the moral purity of his revolution by refraining from certain crimes; Zalbag believes in unflinchingly upholding the status quo as regards the feudal order in which he operates. At their core, both men believe in striving for some sort of just society, but they have different approaches as to how this will work and different arcs as regards their willingness to sacrifice others in service to that aim.

There’s been a lot of digital ink spilled as regards how one should read Zalbag’s order to shoot Teta. People quibble over the ambiguity of the translation(s), whether or not he paused for a little bit before doing it, whether we ought to assume some mitigating factor involving Dycedarg, or whether or not he anticipated that Algus would hit the hostage instead of the kidnapper. Let’s just go with the least charitable interpretation, as this is not a “Zalbag is a pure cinnamon roll” manifesto, it’s a “Zalbag is an ideal character for Wiegraf to bone” manifesto. Let’s just assume that he definitely decided with his own cognitive organs that it was okay to shoot this teenage girl and directed Algus to do so knowing that she would be shot.

That’s some tremendously godawful means toward the end of upholding the just society he stands for, but he ultimately moves away from that nadir in ways that actually touch on the issues it brings up. While Yasumi Matsuno obviously hates me and did not include any real exploration in this game as to how Zalbag (or Dycedarg or even really Alma) handled the fallout from Teta’s death and/or developed in relation to it, I will hold that there_ is_ a progression from this point. Zalbag eventually has to face the fact that the supposedly just system in which he operates isn’t infallible, that the respectability of his brother and family name is a sham, and that the patriarchal system of authority in Ivalice sometimes encourages... well patricide. He starts from a point of discarding one innocent to preserve the current order and then moves to a place of destroying the current order to discard his fuckhead older brother. His attack on Dycedarg ultimately collapses their faction and destroys their bloodline, which (as I’ll cover in more detail later) is the exact opposite of what probably motivated his decision to sacrifice Teta.

In the meantime, Wiegraf’s story is this beautifully executed, three-part tragedy about a man losing what he believes in as he stoops to darker and darker methods to obtain it. If this were another _Final Fantasy_ of the 90s, Wiegraf in Chapter 1 would be the game’s hero or he would at least be on the heroes’ side. He is the devoted, uncompromising leader of a plucky band of revolutionaries committed to overthrowing the evil establishment. He is also—in fact—_correct _that the establishment is pretty thoroughly evil. Part of a good play through of _Final Fantasy Tactics_ should be the moment in Chapter 1 where you realize that Ramza is the rough equivalent of one of those helmeted ShinRa mooks or Empire soldiers that AVALANCHE or the Returners are constantly being swarmed by. He’s just a random little dude serving the interests of evil, and it takes cutting down some pleading revolutionaries and having his own family authorize the death of his childhood friends to get him to recognize that the aristocracy is not really as great as it was made out to be.

Wiegraf and his sister, however, are the people who clearly state that peasants are actual human persons at the beginning of the game. Wiegraf’s characterization is initially defined by his dedication to unmaking a society he deems to be unjust and by _refusing_ to sacrifice others (or at least others who are not his own men; we'll get to that in a second) in service to it. He starts from what is arguably the opposite position as Zalbag, who genuinely believes that leaving rule in the hands of noblemen creates the conditions for justice on a broad societal level and that shooting a few peasants to keep that running is okay. Wiegraf, however, like Zalbag, will ultimately do something of a massive 180 regarding how he approaches the organization of society.

This starts when Wiegraf becomes a Temple Knight. As Ramza points out when they next meet, he forsakes his former ideology to become a “dog of the church.” While Rofel and the other Temple Knights have assured him that his alliance with the religious order will give him the power to fulfill his revolutionary ambitions, it’s obvious to everyone at this point that he’s sold out and joined with one of the most corrupt institutions in Ivalice. This degradation is further underscored by the fact that he ends his second appearance facilitating the abduction of a teenage girl instead of attempting to prevent it. His loyalties and his morality are pretty damn well shot at this point. When he crawls outside, dying and desperate, the pact he makes with Velius cannot even be read as another effort to fulfill his vision of society. After all of his speeches that the Church can give him the means to enact his dreams, his final words before the pact are about his personal revenge and the shame of facing his dead friends. In compromising his morality for the sake of fulfilling his ideals, he loses those ideals, and is reduced to a man seeking to do nothing more world-changing than to nurse his own griefs.

Then he becomes Velius, and things for this terminally fucked over man somehow manage to get even more fucked as he moves beyond the realm of even caring about personal sentiment. In the final battle Ramza fights with him, Wiegraf/Velius recognizes that he no longer cares about avenging Miluda and only wishes to plunge the world into chaos. While dismantling the present society was, after a fashion, the end goal of Wiegraf’s plans all along, his attitude towards how he wishes to do it has completely reversed. He now claims that people _deserve_ to be exploited by governments and religions and that humanity consists of “endlessly complaining, lazy, nuisances...” He has moved from seeking mankind’s liberation to seeking its enslavement or annihilation.

Over the course of the game then, you have two characters whose moral progression may be read as an inversion of the other’s. Zalbag goes from upholding corrupt institutions to destroying them while Wiegraf goes from attacking corrupt institutions to defending them. Zalbag goes from sacrificing an innocent girl to preserve family honor to sacrificing his family to preserve a broader societal view of justice. Wiegraf goes from sacrificing his allies (no innocent girls allowed) in the hopes of a better future to sacrificing pretty much everything (innocent girls included) for a hollow shot at easing his despair. They aren’t perfect parallels, and this is not to say that either character is completely sympathetic or completely unsympathetic at either the end or the beginning of their story. However, there’s a definite potential here for all sorts of neat and meaningful comparisons were one to bring these two characters together and have them interact. This would also, doubtlessly, provide ample fodder for some neat and meaningful dialogue they could have in the midst of fucking, which is one of the best ways for characters to interact.

_TLDR: Zalbag is awful in the name of societal justice and moves towards being less awful. Wiegraf is less awful (almost good even!) in the name of societal justice and moves towards being much much much more awful. One way to gauge a character’s awfulness is apparently how many teenage girls they endanger. All this makes these two characters have some nifty parallels; they should fuck._

* * *

**Attitudes Towards Military Leadership**

So, let’s get back to addressing the issue of Teta Hyral. There’s _a lot_ going on in the initial chapter of the game that terminates in her death, and the portion that most people rightly pay attention to are the dynamics between all of the teenage characters you’re actually playing as who are most directly impacted by Teta dying. However, I think a major point of comparison that needs to be made regarding Chapter 1 is how Zalbag and Wiegraf comparatively fare as organizational leaders throughout it. It is very much a combination of their outlooks on leadership that sets the conditions for Teta being shot, which in turn sets up Ramza and Delita’s trajectories throughout the game. (They’re the main characters or something, remember?)

Basically, I want to consider that while Zalbag catches a lot of justified flak for ordering Teta’s death, by the end of the chapter the Hokuten knights are still very much an actual institution that exists and the Death Corps are all very incredibly dead. This is partly because the Hokuten actually have all the resources that nobility can afford, but I would argue that it’s also because Wiegraf is personally _very bad_ at keeping his men alive or even bothering to consider that they might enjoy being alive. He makes it clear that he values adherence to his code of morality more than he values the agents of his revolution, getting crabby when they complain to him about little things like starving to death or being unwillingly martyred. This is certainly apparent with Gustav, who pretty bluntly explains to Wiegraf that “What we need is food and a place to sleep, not ideas!” before Wiegraf stabs the fuck out of him for sullying his terrorist organization’s good name with a kidnapping.

The fact that Zalbag, Dycedarg, Larg, and the nobility in general see Teta as thoroughly expendable is hammered home repeatedly as Ramza and Delita attempt to process the trauma of her death. _Final Fantasy Tactics_, however, has little to say about how thoroughly expendable Golargros Levine seems to be. I would argue that the precipitating event that leads him to drag Teta all the way to Zeakden to get shot is a conversation with Wiegraf, in which his leader's response to the earnest question "So you would have us die?" is "Not in vain. Take as many Nobles with you as possible!" (i.e. "Yes"). While Wiegraf later tries to walk this back a little and tell Golagros that he might be able to survive if he makes it to Zeakden, his were not, perhaps, words primed to convince a desperate man that he should abandon the one thing he thinks is his trump card in the game of not being horrifically slaughtered. While Zalbag's implicit "Fuck you, Teta, please die for the sake of the established order" has a lot of complex differences from Wiegraf's much more explicit "Fuck you, Golagros, please die for the sake of the revolution," these nuances don't make an awful lot of difference to the two characters when they are shot within seconds of one another and left to die in the snow.

Ultimately, Zalbag's decision to have Teta killed, morally reprehensible as we find it, is a strategically sound one, whereas Wiegraf's continual demands that his men face death with the same stoicism as himself is... not. Zalbag commands one of the two largest knightly orders in the country. Having them be known to capitulate to terrorists in hostage situations is is a great way to undermine the military reputation and power of Gallione, to make it clear that the Beoulves will fold if those close to them are threatened, and/or to possibly get his men blown up by military grade explosives (i.e. It's a great way to massively fuck up the social order that I assert Zalbag seeks to preserve). Wiegraf commands a band of starving, impoverished volunteers. Having them know that he will absolutely murder them or allow them to get murdered if they do anything too egregious to get food and money is a great way to have them fall into disorder and die... which they prove to be very adept at doing. Again, we're presented with two dudes in similar positions who have diametrically opposed ways of navigating them. Again, this makes them potentially great characters to have interact in the realm of fanworks. Again, by "interact," I mean fuck.

_TLDR: Zalbag cares about maintaining the stability of the military organization he commands and is willing to do certain bad things to keep it together. Wiegraf is terrible at maintaining the stability of the military organization he commands because he is unwilling to do certain bad things to keep it together. All this makes these two characters have some nifty parallels; they should fuck._

* * *

**Messed Up Relationships with Their Siblings**

One of the reasons that I suspect _Final Fantasy Tactics_ has a smallish fandom, in addition to its insane difficulty curve and its hard-to-follow plot, is that the shipping is somewhat hard to manage. This is because all characters who join Ramza’s party immediately lose any ability to affect the plot upon doing so (owing to the game’s permadeath mechanics) and therefore generally don’t have any interactions leading one to think they might develop some sort of romance. This is also because pretty much _absolutely fucking everyone_ in _Final Fantasy Tactics_ seems to have their most significant human relationship be with a beloved sibling, and many people balk at shipping incest.[1]

So yeah, the next major thematic parallel between Zalbag and Wiegraf is how they relate to their siblings, whom it probably should be noted are completely and totally unlike one another in almost every way. Miluda is a hungry young revolutionary who dies cursing her oppressors as she falls in the pursuit of her hopeless cause. Dycedarg is a high ranking nobleman and a serious contender for “most irredeemable sack of dicks” in this game full of irredeemably awful dicksacks. There aren’t really a lot of similarities here.

The one way that they _are_ similar though, is that they are never really understood by the sibling closest to them. Both Zalbag and Wiegraf position Dycedarg and Miluda as extensions of their own beliefs and ambitions, and in doing so forego a meaningful connection with them. Zalbag’s immediate rebuke of Ramza upon hearing accusations against Dycedarg is framed in terms of the importance of blood ties and nobility, and it seems clear that he falsely trusts Dycedarg as an upholder of order and law. He eventually has to face the fact that Dycedarg is pretty much the complete opposite of that and that perhaps, by supporting him, he is too. Wiegraf’s obsession with avenging Miluda re-positions her as an abstraction—a goal around which he can center his actions regardless of her own beliefs. He then goes to both betray everything she held dear and to alter himself such that this abstracted version of her crumbles away and he is left with nothing.

It’s abundantly clear that Zalbag doesn’t understand Dycedarg at all, but something I think to be particularly tragic about their case is the extent to which Dycedarg doesn’t really understand him either. Throughout the build up to the game’s final act, almost every other NPC speaks of Dycedarg and Zalbag as one unit (generally lecturing Ramza about the wishes and actions of “his brothers”), and they are almost universally assumed to be wholly in accord with one another. It is only when Dycedarg pulls out a dagger and stabs their feudal lord in front of Zalbag that this façade breaks. What’s saddest about that instant isn’t Larg getting stabbed (Larg has no real personality beyond possessing an atrocious bowl cut) or even Zalbag’s sudden disillusionment; it’s Dycedarg unwavering assumption that Zalbag will accept this and help him cover for it. In this instant, Dycedarg collapses all the notions of fealty, lawfulness, and nobility with which brother seemingly invested him. It becomes obvious that the ordered societies they respectively believe in look _very_ different, and it also becomes clear that for the entirety of this war, both brothers have been supporting one another without knowing that. In their final battle, it’s striking is how much of Dycedarg’s dialogue with Zalbag is about his inability to understand him. It’s all very typical villain talk with a lot of exclamations of “You fool!” thrown everywhere, but it underscores the fundamental disconnect between the two brothers’ vision of family and the uses of nobility’s power. The line “Because I dirtied my hands you’re here!” (rendered in the PSP version as “I dirtied my hands to keep yours clean”) brings home the fact that the real horror of Zalbag’s mistaken evaluation of Dycedarg is a mistaken evaluation of himself. He's trusted that Dycedarg's aims are an extension of his own and therefore spent the past several years of his life furthering the ambitions of a treasonous, parricidal Machiavellian.

As for Wiegraf, he and Miluda literally never have a conversation in the course of the game, and everything we know about their relationship is through their invocations of one another in battle. Despite this, Miluda is introduced to us criticizing Wiegraf, denouncing him as either “too optimistic” or “too soft” depending on which translation you’re reading. In her battles against Ramza, she speaks largely of her unwillingness to compromise. She refuses to spare Ramza even after he spares her, and she refuses to agree to arbitration, preferring to be killed on the field rather than risk capture and execution. Even when acknowledging that Ramza might be innocent of the crimes of his brothers, she refuses to stand down, claiming that his own ignorance is crime enough. In what little we see of Miluda, we are given a portrait of a woman who seems to know that her brother’s revolution will fail but is committed to fighting it to the bitter and terrible end anyway.

Wiegraf, in attempting to avenge her, does pretty much the opposite of the two things we know that Miluda actually likes, namely: refusing to be a fucking sellout and murdering the crap out of nobles until you die. While he arguably would get around to murdering a lot of nobles eventually once he assisted the Church in turning Ivalice into a grim, authoritarian theocracy, his decision to join the Temple Knights flies in the face of Miluda’s fatalistic devotion to giving the bastards hell. The dead Miluda comes to be the symbol of his revolutionary dreams even as he betrays Miluda’s revolutionary ethics, and once she’s reduced to a symbol, Miluda can be anything. She can be a quiet martyr, giving meaning to Wiegraf’s flailing attempts to quell his own despair, and she can ultimately be discarded, becoming an empty name once Wiegraf transforms himself into Velius.

Honestly though, in Ivalice, having these sorts of sibling issues isn’t particularly unique to Zalbag or Wiegraf. You could, for example, riff on the synergy between Wiegraf and Delita as regards their very specific brands of dead-sister flavored neuroses, and Wiegraf/Delita is another fine unshipped ship that somebody should really consider someday. However, given the other parallels between Zalbag and Wiegraf and the fact that both sets of siblings shared the same military history, I think that the ways in which they abstract their equally doomed siblings makes a great launching point for some sort of meaningful discussion between them. You should know by this point in this essay what I mean by “discussion.” (I mean fucking.)

_TLDR: Zalbag doesn’t understand that his brother and he have very different views of how society ought work. Wiegraf doesn’t understand that he and his sister have very different views as to how revolutions ought work. Everything is very sad because of this, and it all makes these two characters have some nifty parallels; they should fuck._

* * *

**Other Nifty Parallels That Somehow Necessitate Fucking**

Now that I’ve exhaustively gone over the major ways in which the two characters moral trajectories, relationships to their military orders, and psychological hangups over their siblings sync up in angsty, shipping-friendly ways, I’m just going to throw a few more connections out there.

  * **Relationship to God and/or the Church:** Despite it never being explored in great depth, Zalbag is supposed to be highly devout and is unique in Ivalice as being one of the only people who is affiliated with the Glabados faith and is not a part of a massive Church conspiracy of some sort. Wiegraf, who doesn’t really seem particularly devout at first, nevertheless ends up as a Church official in service of that conspiracy. He also subsequently apotheosizes into one of the secret zodiac demons that actually underpins the entire Glabadosian mythos of Saint Ajora, giving lengthy speeches as regards the lie that is religion and how it enslaves the deserving kine who partake of it. All this should, ideally, set them up for some interesting discussions regarding the game's palette-swapped version of medieval Christianity, even if _Final Fantasy Tactics_' rough sketch of a JRPG "Let's Kill God" faith isn't quite well developed enough for me to write in exacting detail how they might go about it beyond raving about my own unsupported headcanons. In any event, these discussions--whatever they might be--would be well accompanied by some fucking. Possibly even fucking with some weird religious kinks thrown in if you're into that.[2]
  * **Job Class:** Both of these guys actually seem to be on the same job tree. Wiegraf is a Holy Knight, which I think is the second PokéEvolution of White Knight and which should eventually PokéEvolve into Ark Knight, which is Zalbag’s class. If you're the sort of _Final Fantasy Tactics_ fan who seems to only experience sexual and personal fulfillment when micromanaging a complex set of in-game mechanics, this is the element of these two characters' relationship that is probably most appealing. Sadly, their astrological signs (Wiegraf = Virgo / Zalbag = Libra) grant them no bonuses or penalties in battle, not even when Wiegraf's changes because he is now the eldritch embodiment of Aries.
  * **Being Personally Victimized by Vormav Tingel:** Honestly, if "being personally victimized by Vormav Tingel" were an immediate cause for one character to fuck another, the entirety of Ivalice would descend into one massive orgy and the War of the Lions would end. All kidding aside, though, both characters 110% get screwed over by the Church in depressing ways, and were some AU to be written in which they could meet up in the midst of getting screwed over and realize the degree to which Vormav is positioning them to have miserable afterlives as inhuman monstrosities, this would be a good thing to bond (and fuck) over.
  * **Being Hot and Having Complimentary Colors in their Outfit Designs:** Zalbag is at the perfect intermediary stage of Beoulve development where he has emerged from Ramza's larval twinkness and not yet calcified into the evil bear form of Dycedarg, and he looks damn fine for it. Wiegraf is blond and broad-shouldered and looks like he would be the protagonist in a 1990s film about a man from fantasy Arthurian times accidentally entering a portal to the modern age and being confused and suspicious of a microwave. They might not have noses and their sprites resemble funky little duplo men continually marching in place, but otherwise they look splendid. Also, Zalbag's black/gold/red ornate armor get up looks really nice next to Wiegraf's green/gold/white outfit with the cute scarf. They should fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] I don’t balk at it myself, and if this next part of this manifesto convinces you that fucked up Dycedarg/Zalbag or Wiegraf/Miluda is a good idea, I will still consider it a victory.
> 
> [2] I will just dispassionately note at this point that the Glabados faith is centered around a Christ figure who is hanged instead of crucified--which is the sort of thing that can instantly transform one's breathplay into sacrilegious breathplay.


	4. We Have the Why, What About the How?

Okay, so now that I've established all the ways that Wiegraf and Zalbag make for good foils and repeatedly explained how they could enjoy some thematically rich conversations and emotionally fraught fucking should they ever be in the same room together, this segment of the essay will describe the various ways to actually maneuver them into the same room, as they are never there in _Final Fantasy Tactics._ If my own demonic pacts pull through and my wish that some additional souls come to ship these two is granted, these would all be great starting points for fanworks based upon this rarest of rare pairs.

**The Fifty Years War**

The easiest way to have Zalbag and Wiegraf hook up is to have them meet at some point during the Fifty Years War, given that they were both soldiers in it and both seemingly come from Gallione. If you want to nerd out and play incredibly convoluted math games,[1] you can even determine that it would have been highly probable that they would have been soldiers during the attempted Romandan invasion of Ivalice via Gallione and Fovoham. This would make them part of a campaign to repel a major invading force when they were around their teens to early twenties. This also conveniently takes place before they ever have any occasion to attempt to murder one another, which smooths out a lot of narrative impediments to them getting together.

I don't know about you, but finding oneself tossed together with a motley of soldiers across various social ranks as you all try to keep your homeland from being razed or occupied seems like it would lead to the exact sort of stress that a man might relieve by engaging in an ill-advised tryst with somebody he normally wouldn't interact with. It might result in all sorts of desperate and/or injurious situations that might throw together two soldiers who wouldn't normally be associates. It might also create ideal circumstances for two guys to break off whatever relationship they have with one another once the Romandans fuck off after three years, such that they can make it through the rest of the war alone and then go on to hate everything the other one stands for. 

**The Problem of Gustav**

Gustav Margueriff is the one _Final Fantasy Tactics_ character who is noteworthy in that he has been both a member of the Hokuten and the Death Knights (the forerunner to the Death Corps). This is because _something_ happened that caused him to get ejected from the former order and placed in the latter. The thing is that it's not 100% certain _what_ happened as the PSX and PSP translations of Gustav's dossier are wildly different. Basically some war crimes were committed (in the passive voice) while Gustav was a member of the Hokuten. The PSX translation indicates that these involved some rape and massacres and were something Gustav was instigating. The PSP translation indicates that these were just massacres (no rape) and that the Hokuten who were _not_ Gustav were the ones responsible. Either way, Gustav was no longer welcome in the Hokuten and got transferred to Wiegraf's command as a result. 

While I tend to trust the PSX translation as being more accurate to the Japanese even if its not always particularly elegant (and an individual with a very rusty bachelors in Japanese I consulted was inclined to the PSX reading), I can't conclusively say which translation is correct. I feel this inconsistency opens up any number of narrative possibilities with Schrodinger's War Criminal as regards the two men who are in charge of the two orders he was in. Both Wiegraf and Zalbag, for all the very bad things they do, seem like they would both hate unnecessary war crimes. Whatever incident resulted in Gustav's transfer seems like an excellent starting point for either or both characters to get outraged about things, get into a fight with each other or somebody else, and move themselves towards the awkward hatesex that should probably be the default mode of Wiegraf/Zalbag's functioning as a ship.

**Fort Zeakden**

The military conflict in the vicinity of Fort Zeakden is the only point in the game that we have good reason to assume that Zalbag and Wiegraf actually met and interacted. Nobody knows how that conflict went down, however, and nobody knows how Wiegraf escaped. I'm not saying that Wiegraf just fucked his way out of being massacred along with his troops, but I feel that this encounter has the potential for all sorts of dramatic confrontations and scenes that somehow result in Wiegraf not ending up dead. If they had a prior history during the Fifty Years War, this would be an ideal time to revisit that. If they didn't, this would be an ideal time for Wiegraf to make one of his big grandiloquent speeches that primes them for a later encounter. Also, seriously... if some enterprising individual were to create a work in which Wiegraf just fucked his way out of dying, I'd totally read it with gusto and enthusiasm.

**Wiegraf as Temple Knight**

Once Wiegraf joins the Temple Knights, he presumably stops being a wanted criminal in some capacity, as he can just waltz around Ivalice without getting hanged. Now that he has backing of the Church, this would be a great time for him to meet up with the apparently very religious Zalbag and be a dick at him. If you wanted to twist the knife extra hard, it would be very convenient for him to swing by after Ramza (and possibly Alma) have been declared heretics. The differences in the character's respective civil and ecclesiastical authority would be great to play around with, and any awkward hatesex that occurs from this encounter would be a great point from which to explore both characters immediately before their descent into tragedy.[2]

**Velius as Temple Knight**

See the above, only things are now exceedingly dark and messed up.

**Full ZombieSheep: The Darkest Timeline**

One of the great tragedies of shipping Wiegraf/Zalbag is that there is no way to functionally ship them within the timeline of the canon such that they are an actual zombie and an actual sheep, which makes joking about their eventual transformation into these things a little less satisfying. This, however, is the realm of fanfiction, where we can ignore the fact that there is no canonical overlap between Wiegraf selling his soul to become a demon-ridden husk of his former self and Zalbag being resurrected as puppeteered corpse cognizant only of his own pain. If you're into darkfic (and I'm baffled that more FFT fans aren't) and you're into Wiegraf/Zalbag (and why wouldn't you be?) this is AU for you!

Within this universe where the Lucavi presumably won, you have a range of options ranging from high-octane non-con and torture to softer, lower-octane traumatic angst featuring the slivers of remaining humanity in both characters briefly coming to the surface. If you're into these characters for even remotely similar reasons to the ones I am, you can probably see the appeal of this whole range of potentialities.

**Friendlier Flavors of AU**

One of the other great, and possibly more self-evident, tragedies of shipping Wiegraf/Zalbag is that both characters are hopelessly doomed to die in awful ways. This is why most of the suggestions above for how they might fuck involve awkward hatesex and brief encounters/relationships. If we use our fanfictiony imagination hats, though, they could just... not die, and they could actually have something more akin to an actual romance. If one wants to go the route of just tweaking one element of canon to enable this, I might suggest Dycedarg Beoulve dying in some sort of freak accident prior to the events of game (possibly a freak accident also involving Vormav Tingel), as this would enable the characters to meet under considerably less dire circumstances in addition to generally making everyone in the game universe happier. In a narrative where Ivalice actually does heal and rebuild after the Fifty Years War instead of descending into unrest and civil war immediately afterwards, one could explore what its like for two career soldiers from wildly differing social classes to just... not be at war for the first time in their lives. In an Ivalice where Balbanes isn't poisoned, is it possible that the Death Corps might have their grievances addressed? In one where the Germonik Scriptures (the in game document proving that religion is fake) come to the public's attention, what does it do to Zalbag's faith and Wiegraf's pessimism? There's all sorts of less massively depressing things that could happen under even but slightly altered circumstances.

Lastly, if one were to go the AU route to the extent that you move out of a medieval Ivalice, this [Death Corps diner/coffee shop AU](https://twitter.com/nakade1/status/1094645370582315008) is where I, personally, would start, but with like... more Zalbag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] Okay, math time! Normally I'd feel like a real loser for going into so much speculative detail trying to calculate the dates for an imaginary fantasy war, but this is a game framed in issues of historiography where Calculator is a literal job class.
> 
> If you want to figure out the rough timeline of the Romandan phase of the war, you have to take into account the Omdoria III has been reigning for at least 7 years prior to the start of the game, given that he married Ruvelia when she was 20, and she is described as being made queen by this act. Prior to this, King Denamda IV was in charge, and during his reign he is reported to have died roughly at the end of the Romandan conflict. This means that he was dead 7 years prior to the start of game if not earlier and that the 3 year Romandan conflict starts 10 years before the game or earlier. Given that Denamda IV has to proclaim Zalbag "Savior of Ivalice" at some point, and given that Zalbag would only be 21 at the latest point at which Denamda can die, it is pretty certain that the Romandan conflict would have been something that both Zalbag and Wiegraf would have lived through and possibly participated in, as placing it all that much earlier would make Zalbag too young to have done something worth the king's notice at the time of Denamda's death.
> 
> [2] There is, in fact, one fic that describes just this set of circumstances happening, although I--as an initially anonymous exchange author--won't offer any commentary as to who wrote it.


	5. Fanworks

Now that I've exhaustively described these two characters, explained how they compliment one another, explained how they might reasonably meet and get together, please enjoy this brief list of fanworks, most of which deal with one character or the other as few souls have realized the brilliance of combining them.[1]

* * *

**Fanworks Featuring Both Wiegraf and Zalbag**

  * **[The Tower and the Hanged Man](https://www.deviantart.com/katorius/art/The-Tower-The-Hanged-Man-576861830) ([Katorius](https://www.deviantart.com/katorius/)):** Really gorgeous artwork of both characters as tarot cards.
  * **[Sketch](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EDsQ-0KUcAAI8ue?format=jpg&name=900x900) ([siistia](https://twitter.com/siistia)):** Does not actually feature Wiegraf/Zalbag as a ship, but features them standing in the vicinity of one another in the same actual drawing, which is close enough.

* * *

**Fanworks Featuring Wiegraf**

  * **["Honor and Glory"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6724183) ([SilverDagger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverDagger/pseuds/SilverDagger)): **A piece about Wiegraf and Miluda returning home after the Fifty Years War to disappointment and poverty.
  * **["Lion's Roar"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/480622/chapters/835569) ([Schemilix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schemilix/pseuds/Schemilix)):** An unfinished WIP that extensively examines Wiegraf's life as a member of the Temple Knights.
  * **Artwork ([sepia](https://twitter.com/save_scenes/)):** Mindblowingly gorgeous, detailed lineart with a lot of Wiegraf and Miluda pieces [[X](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DdAMktKUQAEw6Dv?format=jpg&name=large)] [[X](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DaMAjPOU0AINZil?format=jpg&name=4096x4096)] [[X](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DYGcxz5VQAAzevQ?format=jpg&name=4096x4096)]
  * **[Corpse Brigade Diner](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DzD0JmDUwAAUOwS?format=jpg&name=medium) ([Nakade](https://twitter.com/nakade1)):** I know I linked to this last chapter, but look at this! I'm not usually a coffee shop AU sort of person, but I am here for this and 110% here for Algus coming into this establishment and shouting "Animals have no God!" when he decides there is too much foam on his latte.
  * **[Wiegraf Chilling in a Pile of Sheep](https://66.media.tumblr.com/141e21979e9745ea7e2a963a8a446163/tumblr_mlcq4eNU7I1r5e508o1_1280.jpg) ([pimpsilud](https://pimpsilud.tumblr.com/)):** This is the most incomprehensibly adorable Wiegraf in existence.
  * **[Final Fantasy Tactics: The Animation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUp9oktLCOQ) ([motoko chino](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0uJ8hGrLz8C_HuP72ZbdSw)):** An animation of the Temple Knights sparring; he's not the feature character, but this includes one whole Wiegraf
  * **["I am Velius, the Devil"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47VK3I4Zo_4) ([Amanda Lepre](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwSKBtgTftgrrSZLBfWiZOA)):** A music video to a metal cover of the Lucavi theme, featuring Wiegraf's dialogue as he makes the pact with Velius; this is exactly as cool as it sounds

* * *

**Fanworks Featuring Zalbag**

  * **["Horns"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/328020) ([moemachina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moemachina/pseuds/moemachina)): **A story about pre-canon Dycedarg and Zalbag's interactions with other members of the Ivalician nobility during a hunt for a unicorn.
  * **["Antipyretic"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5465918) ([MarsDragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarsDragon/pseuds/MarsDragon)): **An episode from the late Fifty Years War about Zalbag's return home upon hearing about his father's illness.
  * **Artwork (Sarumata Kumi):** The artist who runs 256c did a few nice Zalbag pieces back in the day that are now archived. They include [this picture](https://web.archive.org/web/20110610085444im_/http://256c.net/img/log/0606/060614_sarubukuro.jpg) of him looking cool and fighty and [this genderbent version of him](https://web.archive.org/web/20110610204526im_/http://256c.net/img/log/0611/061112_saruko.jpg).
  * **Artwork ([eico](https://www.pixiv.net/member.php?id=21298)):** I'm pretty sure this individual did a bunch of cool FFT image board art and then archived it. They have some gorgeous, abstract pixel art of a lot of things from the game, but I'm particularly fond of their little doodles of the Adramelech battle [here](https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/23455477) and [here](https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/42418034).
  * **[Ramza Killing the Undead Zalbag](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DPulDqlUMAArq_L?format=jpg&name=900x900) ([k0mamid0ri](https://twitter.com/k0mamid0ri/)):** What it says on the tin; contains slightly violent imagery of poor Zombag getting run through by his obviously upset younger brother.
  * **_[Crystal Palace](https://web.archive.org/web/20070226003342/http://www.grey-space.net/starchanchan/Crystal_Palace%5Bdejavu%5D.zip)_**** by Satou Shuko (Circle CCT):** A really pretty doujinshi that was scanlated but has since been removed from anywhere that isn't this specific Internet Archive link; concerns Zalbag and Ramza's relationship as brothers.
  * **["Holy Zalbags!"](https://materiacollective.bandcamp.com/track/holy-zalbags) (Jean-Marc Giffin):** A prog rock inspired remix of Zalbag's theme

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] I should acknowledge, at this point, that I am _possibly_ not a shipper of one, and that I owe my interest in this rarepair to the kind commentary of an unknown person I encountered in [an Internet venue known for its friendly anonymous discourse.](https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/)

**Author's Note:**

> See my [profile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CorpseBrigadier/profile) for notes on remixes, podfic, derivative works, and constructive criticism.


End file.
